This blog started out as a usual blog where I can write anything I want, with no theme, just a medium where I can express myself, the original title being "The Navigator - a traveler in my own mind." In short, mga walang katuturan. Now I'm putting an objective to it, and a very practical one at that:


I AM GOING TO START SAVING AND SAVING AND SAVING...

This isn't the first time I attempted this. And you may have guessed when it first entered my mind: Yup, when I hit the BIG three-oh. But ever since, it's all just been inside my head. And the problem with that is it gets pushed back further into the abyss every time a mall sale (or a cute pooch) comes around...hmmm. Time to rethink my strategy. Maybe posting it on my blog will help me keep track of this goal better. Well, we'll see...







You want to buy my bully? LOL
Just kidding.


And nope, I didn't just come across Rich Dad, Poor Dad, but I guess it's about time I put some of the principles into practice.

--- After two weeks, I changed the title back to the original. But I won't be losing sight of this goal. I just want some space.

I woke up with a heavy feeling in my heart. I dreamt my family was finally going to Canada. But, well, wasn't that supposed to be a good thing?

I had plans of migrating with my family. I had signed up for the services of an immigration agency and had fully paid up their professional fee. I only had the remaining requirements to follow up, and we could have left years ago.

The first day I sat with the immigration agent I was raring to leave the next day, if that at all was possible. It was like I was feverishly chasing a dream. But as months went by and we got closer and closer to realizing that dream, I held off. I suddenly felt this was for REAL. And it scared the hell out of me.

Everything that I have I felt was quickly slipping away: my parents, siblings, my nephews, nieces, my in-laws that have become my second family, friends, my dogs!, our Sunday afternoons at sunken garden, our get-togethers, our pangungulit sa isa't isa. Even our bickerings and misunderstandings I was ironically already beginning to miss as well.


Even the troubles of the Philippines that was a big chunk of my reasons for emmigrating started to seem to melt away, though just in my mind. This is a very beautiful country after all, but which unfortunately is still waiting to be given a break. But as long as we're floating and haven't gone to the dogs yet (though sometimes it feels like we have), it's well worth giving it a chance.

Cold feet, you may say. Well, maybe...

Of course from the start I had been psyching myself up for the changes and sacrifices that immigration calls for. That's part of the whole idea. That's part of the excitement that had initially fuelled me to start this whole "project" and pull all the stops to make it come true. I'm going to have a new life! I'd be leaving everything behind and start all over! I should be ready for this when the time finally comes, but as it turned out, I was so not prepared to let go.

And so the "project" came to a screeching halt. I'm in a status quo.

From time to time, I test my decision by toying with the idea of going ahead with it, especially now that there are speculations of a regime change in July, and I'm glad a voice always comes back with a contented "no." But of course, there are the what-ifs that occasionally teases me. But being one that wholly accepts consequences of decisions made, I don't linger on those very long. But I admit there are uncertainties on that decision, and it's no denying that my family could have a better future there.

The heavy feeling in my heart when I woke up somehow has echoed my sentiments of that initial loss that I'm so afraid to face. But feeling it as real as I have felt in that dream, I'm now hearing that voice again in me with a resounding "NO."

-- as an after thought, I just realized it's Independence Day. Ain't that a strange coincidence...

I was laying on the couch with my head on my husband's lap last night, and he was giving me a scalp massage and gently running his fingers through my hair. It would have been very romantic had the setting not been that we were in front of the TV watching Sen. Miriam Santiago defend Tita Glo to high heavens on ANC last night (regarding the wiretapping controversy).

Well, anyway, in the midst of our intent viewing and obvious exasperation about the whole brouhaha, my husband blurted out, "Your hair is so soft!" Now, isn't that music to the ears.

Not wanting to lose the welcome change of mood, I said , "Oh, really?" And suddenly I felt like Kristine Hermosa in one of her shampoo commercials.

And to that, my loving husband of 15 years replied, "Maybe that's why we run out of shampoo so fast. You're probably using too much," zapping me straight back to reality.

Oh, well. It was good while it lasted... =) Ah, married life!

It's June again, and it's that time of the year when you wake up to pouring rain signalling the start of classes, knee- to waist-high floods, and of course, endless traffic. Mostly, one's first waking breath in the morning would consist of four-letter profanities.


But not for this lady, huh-uh! It's a gorgeous day! After two months of unbearable sweltering temperatures reaching to the 100s, this is literally a spray of freshness after the summer's dry-as-a-bone drought. But don't get me wrong! I'm a self-professed beach bum and an outdoors sucker for each rare chance I get, but there's nothing more refreshing than a natural cool breeze laden with the scent of wet leaves and grass. I'm tempted to pick up my cam and capture the colors of nature that's never as alive than right after a rainshower.

At last, I can open my big windows and my doors to let the skies and the trees decorate my home once again and let natural lighting stream through to lend its varying glows, illuminating my space. And, of course, the cool breeze... with the added bonus of a water spray!

The summer has left me paler ironically, for the heat had been very unforgiving that, in retrospect, it's almost like I sentenced myself to a two-month confinement in an enclosed, artificially ventilated space, with all shades drawn to keep the heat out. And never had I felt sooo deprived.


But now there's a song playing in my head: "Hello, world!" from that defunct Discovery show, Travellers. I can't wait, I hope for a strong downpour when my son gets home from school. We'll have a wonderful time in the rain.